Why It became innately clear that my immediate relocation was necessary.

The Set Up

In the small hillsey town of Wadsworth Ohio, the community takes itself very seriously. Or at least the paper does. While ninety percent of the town's paper is comprised of advertisements for local homes and the people who sell those local homes; the bulk of the content lies somewhere between how to cook a hotdog and the right-leaning racist opinions of geriatric patients who were given typewriters. I have a lot of my own opinions about these people but I must admit they are better writers than me. At least when it comes to consistency. I'm never surprised when I read their letters to the editor, but I'm always so furious that I require an enema. From time to time I enjoy writing my own. Little tidbits like what you're about to read below. My previous installations to the glorious Post include a hard-hitting expose on why it's probably a good idea for fireworks to be shot out of the town's historic cemetery. I showed all those old assholes what I thought, and I'm sure they'll inform the cemeteries inhabitants of my argument soon enough.

Here is also a rare occasion where I admit my wrongdoing. It turns out that everything I thought I knew about the construction project going on outside my lovely suburban home was a lie. Or at least so you'll see.

Letter To The Editor #1

 

 The stakes went in today for the new planned sidewalk on Stratford Avenue. Instead of moving the mailboxes or putting it on the opposite side of the street the sidewalk seems to have made its path about halfway into our yard. Having driven down the street on unrelated matters it's clear fences will have to be removed, multiple trees demolished, and the beauty of a street desecrated all for the pleasure of a sidewalk to nowhere for no one.

If your concerns are with the children of this neighborhood then they are misplaced. I've met them and they aren't worth it. Not to mention there are like four kids. They walk in our yard anyway and grass is good for their bones. I grew up in this neighborhood walking to school every day, I walk my dog every day (most days I'm not perfect), and have never once wanted to walk through someone's yard on riding a concrete palace, and I've only almost been hit by traffic three times. That's a near miss percentage better than Clevingers ERA.

This is all not to say that sidewalks aren't an important part of the growing economy of Wadsworth. One day we might be fortunate enough to see sidewalks covering the town as we drive past them in our cars. Unwalked and glistening in their eternal beige delight. Perhaps one is just not needed a third of the way into my yard killing a very old and beautiful pine tree. As I type this, outside my window a mother and her children are walking a dog and serpentining through the middle of the street on their bikes. Don't worry they have helmets, and though no sidewalk yet exists they seem to be perfectly safe.

Letter to the Editor #2

To those who were offended, I must apologize. My comments may have been hurtful and unwarranted. The sidewalk is not five feet wide, in fact, it’s three. I spoke without first understanding. Now more people walking down my street than ever before. They saunter on down to the local ice cream store oblivious to any previous danger they may have encountered. Life here is now a dream. 

It was the morning of June 11th, 8:15 a.m when I took my first steps outside realizing it was finished. It glowed in its newness taunting me with its perfection. Having never faced a winter it’s twists and curves where intentional all part of a grand design. Connecting at each end with another it stretches down our road with purpose and utility. I stumbled down my driveway each step bringing me closer to its gaze. My foot testing its smoothness. My being becoming enamored with its sublime. The sidewalk was complete. And so was I. 

Who was I to chastise the poor contractor who now has a least favorite project? He wanted to provide us with safety, we provided him with pain. It was my hubris that brought me down. I thought I knew everything. My opinion was the opinion. Here I sit at an ever aged twenty-two. These past thirty days since my initial article providing me true insight. We are a people behest to the whims of everyone else. The needs of others often supersede the needs of the self. We often stand vindicated by the smallest instances of our correctness ignoring all other temptations of truth. 

I apologize. For the pain I caused, for the lives, I've ruined. These concrete marvels that carry us too and fro to various locations. I now understand the mighty privilege thrust upon us. Our property values have increased, our trees still sway with an effervescent glow, and our child mortality rate has dropped one hundred percent from zero to zero. Those in their cars look on in envy as each step is taken with concrete confidence. Safe from the consequences of street living.

As John Cougar Mellencamp or Bruce Springsteen who knows, once said, we live in a small town, we grew up in a small town, and gosh darn we'll probably die in a small town. Change is hard for us to face. Even when it's good for us. The important part is that we face each instance with a renewed sense of optimism. Hoping for the best, praying for the most, knowing that everything will end up working out. Go Grizzlies!


(Both of these letters were published in the newspaper so I can at least assume they have some sense of humor... Proof? I took pictures they're on my camera on my phone. You can come look at them at my place. It's a win win cuz then I'll finally have some friends)